In the good old days, children had copybooks or slates in school which they used to practice their handwriting. They did this by endlessly copying aphorisms from sources such as Benjamin Franklin’s Poor Richard’s Almanac and the New Testament. This accomplished two important educational goals: students had much better handwriting than students do today, and they thoroughly memorized these tidbits of wisdom and common sense which would serve as guidelines for their entire life.
This practice is no longer part of our children’s education. In fact, teaching many of these sayings in school would probably bring lawsuits from the ACLU. Nevertheless, I’ve tried to use certain aphorisms as a basis for my children’s education. Here are a few that I think I’ve gotten through.
“The difference between poverty and wealth is being on the right side of compound interest.”
I would often simplify this one as “Never go into debt.” This probably seemed like an oddball one to the kids, who were surrounded by the greatest debt-based consumer economy in the history of the world. I know they were confused when their friends’ families would constantly buy new houses, new cars, home theatres, and everything they wanted with no noticeable income to cover it.
I’m hoping recent events may justify me in my children’s eyes, although federal government policy is still aimed at getting everyone to be good consumers and go deeper into debt.
Charles Dickens said it best in David Copperfield: “if a man
had twenty pounds a-year for his income, and spent nineteen pounds
nineteen shillings and sixpence, he would be happy, but that if he spent
twenty pounds one he would be miserable." I didn’t use his quote with the kids. Compound interest was hard enough to explain to the young ones.
“The most important thing Mom and I can give you is a good education.”
Not really an aphorism, just a simple truth. The government, the legal system, or fickle fate can take away your money and all you possess, but it can’t take away (barring head injury) your education and skills. You will be competing in a global environment with billions of other people. Your education and good character are what will carry you through.
A corollary to this is “inheritance is bad.” I had seen so many lives ruined by families waiting around for someone to die, I wanted to emphasize to my kids that this was a terrible way to spend their lives. My family has a long tradition of each generation making their own way, usually in a different field than the previous generation.
Trust, once lost, takes a very long time to rebuild.
This was a big one. As the kids became teenagers, they saw many cases of children who betrayed the trust of their friends, their parents, and their teachers. I’m very proud that my children haven’t betrayed our trust, and, from everything I’ve heard, they are loyal and trustworthy companions to their friends.
You haven’t failed until you blame someone else.
Children see this every day. The important lesson is to look to yourself for success and failure, and not compare yourself to others. “It was Charlie’s fault,” is just as bad an excuse as “but everyone else in the class flunked too.” You’re going to have to deal with the obstacles caused by other people for your entire life, so you need to succeed in spite of them. Citing them as the cause does not justify your failure to accomplish your goal.
Again, recent events help show the children the truth of this aphorism. Every day, we have the loquacious President Obama and his administration blaming all their failures on the admittedly inept Bush administration. I only wish their teachers had taught them more about the Reagan administration, when Ronald Reagan came into office after the disastrous Carter administration. Unemployment was in the double digits, Interest rates were up near twenty percent, and American prestige in the world was at a hundred year low. Looking back at Reagan’s speeches, I find very little blame placed on the previous administration, arguably one of the worst in American history. Instead, there was a message of optimism and a clear path forward. The result was a tremendous economic boom for America.
Life is tough and then you die.
Children grow up with an innate sense that life should be fair. Life isn’t fair, and the earlier children understand this the better. For many of the problems in the early teen years are caused by this deeply held belief, and, if they never get over it, they may become liberals.
I recommend the “life isn’t fair” or “ the fair only comes once a year” versions of this saying that many parents use. I once received a call from my son’s preschool teacher. It seems she had complained to him about something and he had responded, “life is tough and then you die.” (This was the same preschool whose teachers once predicted Pieter would either become a master criminal or the CEO of a major corporation, apparently not realizing at the time that one could be both.)
Family is all important.
This is just a basic core value for us. The children have grown up with a large extended family, and it has been a wonderful experience for them.
All the politically correct fake self-esteem exercises in the world can’t hold a candle to having a big family that loves you. By the age of five, all of my children realized that getting a trophy after losing a soccer game was a joke, but that the love they received from their family after the event was real.
You are having a wonderful childhood.
This is a great one. Tell your child this at least once a day. We usually would tell our children this at bedtime. They were, so why not remind them of the fact.
You are much loved.
And, of course, the most important message of all. Surround your children with love. We loved them unconditionally. They were surrounded by a family that loved them no end. Many of their teachers loved them. God loved them. (A fact that you should remind your children of frequently, no matter what name you use for God.)
In summer, when school was out, I would write up lists of aphorisms and have the children write out what they meant. This is a great exercise to keep your kid’s writing and analytical skills sharp, and it is a great basis for discussions and open communication.
Aphorisms are pithy bits of wisdom that help guide us in our lives. Choose the ones you believe in and teach them to your children. Aphorisms are not a way to close communication, but a way to open it. Communicate with your children. Teach your children. Learn from your children.